Harvard Students ‘Devastated’ About Yogurtland Closing

We pride ourselves on being equal opportunity trollers at the Weekly Hate Read, pursuant to the strictest EEOC regulations. Thus we have no qualms including an article from that august institution in Cambridge, Massachusetts whose acceptance rate hovers around only 5.9%. The 5.9% are very sad that a self-service frozen yogurt store has closed.

Up and coming cub reporter Sharon Yang, who has previously covered on a talk by former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and a prestigious awarded given to noted economist Roland G. Fryer Jr., shifted her focus to the Harvard Square self-service yogurt beat, a perennial favorite in sleepy New England:

A small but passionate and vocal group of longtime student-patrons who frequented Yogurtland while it was in business described themselves as heartbroken over the closure.

Ms. Yang elicited some choice quotes on the closure, not least from the daughter of deranged law professor (or is professor of deranged law?) Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother:

"I was actually devastated. I was genuinely devastated. Yogurtland for me as a freshman, was a place of solace,” said Lulu S. Chua-Rubenfeld ’18.

Somebody call student health services! Though Ms. Chua-Rubenfeld claims here to have survived just fine standing in 20-degree weather at the age of three for having disobeyed her mother, we think this obsession with yogurt betrays a hint of PTSD. (By the way, what's the statute of limitations on child abuse?) Another student provided a more dispassionate assessment of Yogurtland's superiority:

“Pinkberry is not self-serve, you've got all these complications of lines, you don't get immediate access to the yogurt, it's hard to sample,” Jon D. Young '16 said. “The same issues plague the Berryline, the J.P. Licks, and what have you.”

Not to be outdone, however, Mr. Young added:

Young is a platinum level member of the rewards program, a distinction he earned after consuming more than 240 ounces of frozen yogurt over the course of his frequent visits to the store. 

“Yogurtland was the holy place for me,” Young said. “My temple, if you will.”

Pulitzer prize-winning material, my friends.

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