Presented Without Commentary Vol. 2

Woah, what a snowstorm, dear hateful readers! Right, New York Times? So much to report! Thankfully, layoffs never seem to hit the puff piece sections, only the serious journalists! Choose Your Own Hate Read™ is back from a round of sinus and colon cleanses with four choice articles submitted by bilious readers. This week we bring you millionaire puppies, sober yuppies, the patriarchy, and off-season weddings (redundant?)! Enjoy!

1. Rachel Levin, Happy Hour Without the Booze, N.Y. Times (Jan 20, 2016).

Choice quote:

“It’s O.K., we have a really great water, from Australia,” said Andrea Praet, 34, a trend strategist from Greenpoint, who also runs an urban retreat series, with Ms. Tallarico, called the Uplift Project."

Prognosis: well-hydrated mass suicide cult.

Regularly give each other enemas

2. Jane Margolies, Pet Amenities for New York's Lucky Dogs, N.Y. Times, (Jan. 22, 2016).

Manhattan beat: The United Nations has determined that some Midtown buildings have higher Human Development Index scores than for pets than certain middle-income countries do for humans.

Killer amenity: bone-shaped pool on terrace.

Average one-bedroom at MiMa: $4500 a month.

These dogs just surpassed Slovenia's GDP per capita

3. Lois Smith Brady, She Went to a College for a Job, and Found a Husband, Too, N.Y. Times (Jan. 8, 2016).

Spoiler alert: Dr. Andrews found a free nurse sixteen years his junior!

Do you solemnly swear to change my diapers and protect my assets?

4. Bee Shapiro, Off-Season Weddings Can Be Quirky Good Fun, or a Disaster, N.Y. Times (Jan. 14, 2016).

The horror:

Amy Glickman, a communications consultant in Los Angeles, married her husband in New York in February 2009 at the IAC building. “It was 20 degrees out, and I had sorority sisters flying in from Scottsdale and L.A.,” she said. “They were absolutely completely grumpy about it. I got a stream of emails on ‘What do I wear? What do I do?’ It was like hysteria.”

New York in February can be such a drag