The Name Atticus Acquires an Unwelcome Association

Nominations for Hate Reads are streaming in so frequently from faithful (or hateful?) readers I'll have to rename this the Bi-Weekly Hate Read. But the truth is, I hate read every day and every hour from the comfort of the porcelain throne. Let's hope this peak oil situation lasts awhile longer. But I digress. Thank you, Rebbeca Hufstader, for this gem:

Going all Buzzfeed on us, the New York Times took on the latest shocker to bedevil white liberals: the hero of To Kill a Mockingbird is a racist...so your child is named after a racist! A RACIST!

In “Mockingbird,” Atticus Finch was the beloved, honorable father figure, a namesake freighted with values and meaning. In the new book, “Go Set a Watchman,” which was released on Tuesday, Atticus is a racist.

Can you hear the thud down the well of unpopular names? So goes "Atticus" into the trough with favorite baby boy names of yore: Adolf, Brutus, Judas, Onan, Orval, and Track, along with a number of common misspellings of more popular names, such as "Henrey."  I guess George Wallace apologized, so George is a-okay. Still, what do you do if your kid's already tainted with the other scarlet "A"?

“When we first heard about the book, my wife said, ‘Oh no, I hope Atticus didn’t turn bad or something,’ ” said Christopher Campbell, the father of 3-year-old Atticus Campbell, who was born shortly after his parents moved to the Atlanta area from New York City. “We actually had that discussion. It was almost a joke.”

[...]

But there are those who worry that the book will prompt an unfortunate questioning of their children in the future: Which Atticus were you named for?

"It was almost a joke." But not really right? The smart money says white liberal do-gooders will do what they do best: keep up appearances.

Ever a litigious society, we should expect a veritable avalanche to the courthouse of NPR-listening, kale-chomping, middle-brow whites falling over each other to change little Atticuses into Calebs and Ashers. Because what we do best, as white people, is erase the racist legacy of virtually every institution of this country, down to naming conventions. Am I right or am-i-rite?

Hope springs eternal, however, for there is a courageous man among us who understands the complexity he represents:

Atticus Gannaway of Manhattan, a 37-year-old who started going by Atticus in college (his parents named him Ryan), said that while he was not thrilled by this new development, he found comfort in the idea that “Watchman” might be part of a deeper conversation about race and history in America.

“If my own name has to be tainted in some ways for that to happen, it’s something I can live with,” Mr. Gannaway said.

He can live being "tainted." As if a guy named "Atticus Gannaway" who changed his name from Ryan in college wasn't tainted enough. What the fuck, dude? And at the risk spilling more ink on white people's feelings about not just race, but being thought of as racist, here's the real money shot of the article:

When Mr. Campbell and his wife met eight years ago, they bonded over the fact that they both wanted to one day name a child Atticus; it was the first thing they realized they had in common.

 Need I say more?

Focus your eyes on the center of the picture and you will start to notice little Atticus is a Grand Wizard in the Klan